I find myself dazed and struck with a feeling of undeniable sadness. I know that I am not alone (smile, "You are Not Alone"). I watched as did the world, as the reports slammed the internet, the television stations, radio stations, satellite programming, people in the streets, stores, and again, all over the world. Cut to the confirmation of the inevitable, Michael Jackson dead at the age of 50, I say inevitable simply because death and change are the only guarantees in life. Somehow, however, The King of Pop was immortal in our worlds, it just wasn't conceivable.
I find that my heart ached in a way that I hadn't felt for a celebrity, sure I had shed a tear or two for celebrities that I loved, i.e. Gerald Levert for instance, but this was unlike any feeling for someone I have no relation to. I won't dare say I didn't know him because as far as I am concerned, I most certainly did know Michael Joseph Jackson. I believe good music speaks to the soul and comes from the artist soul; therefore Michael was a soul mate to the entire world.
My tears and sadness were multiplied BY the media and their constant negative portrayal of Michael. It's no secret that Michael was a tortured soul that battled his entire existence, to find peace; with that said however, it is also no secret that Michael touched the world and made a change. He impacted the lives of my generation, my mother's and even my children's generation with music and dance, a childlike spirit and a strong sense of humanatarism. We mustn’t forget innocent till proven guilty right (with the controversial exceptions here and there, i.e. Robert Kelly), and again yes Mike went thru hell right before our eyes, but I challenge anyone to really and truly, own being the “world's most famous human being”, and see how you handle it. (They crucified Jesus, who is actually the most famous being hands down). I am not attempting to make excuses for his bizarre antics but simply offer an understanding perhaps, to the strong likelihood that his behavior, isolation, childlike mannerisms and qualities, were easily attributed to his lack of a childhood and his inability to blend in to say the very least.
My love for Michael was unequivocal but I had no idea how deep that love went until his death was eminent so to speak. I was frantic even, trying to get a clear word, but deep down knew that with Cardiac Arrest as the cause of the whole situation, that the likelihood he would survive was minimal at best.
My emotions flooded my entire being; I felt a tremendous loss and quickly questioned why I was taking this so hard. Why is this having this effect on me? My closest family and friends know that as far as my life is concerned, tears just aren't going to roll but when it comes to others I am a wuss, but that wussiness, have you, is momentary, these Particular tears and this heartache, however, would not cease. I wanted to text, type, tweet, etc. I had to release, I had to connect, I had to relate. As the time progressed and the reality slowly settled with-in my core, I found myself still questioning why my heart ached so viciously. It struck me so calmly.
I felt an opportunity to mourn and grieve for a loved one and not just Michael but my own child, my daughter Simone. I mean as odd as this may read, it’s true. I have been depressed lately and been pushing my way thru it as best I can but barely leaving the house, turning off the phone, not getting out of bed, keeping my circle as tight as a circle in the percentage symbol on the key board, but telling myself its temporary and it’s ok to feel this. July 2nd my daughter would have been 6 years old and I do not have an outlet that allows for me to get it out so to speak, so quite naturally every year around this time, my mind subconsciously goes into a mode of depression that never fails to remind me of how lonely my pain feels when it comes to her. However, with the death of Michael and the universal pain that is felt and shared behind this tragic loss, I have been able to release in a fashion like never before in regards to my own personal loss of my child. Now please do not misunderstand, Michael was dear to me and I ache tremendously, but his transcending has allowed for me to transcend as well.
Being able to share memories, emotions, music, words, and so much more, with loved ones, strangers, acquaintances, and associates, has freed my spirit in a fashion that can never be truly described. My being aches for his mother, for he was her 7th born child and her 1st to pass on. My being also aches for his siblings, family and friends, but most of all for his 3 beautiful children, Prince Michael Jackson I and II, (Blanket), and Paris Michael Katherine Jackson. I know that he is most definitely at peace as is my daughter Simone Joylin Foster, but the selfish nature of human beings, is just that, selfish when it comes to death. We want them to remain and Gods plan just isn't the same.
I love you Michael Joseph Jackson may your music float me to heaven's gate where my sweet Simone awaits.
THE MAN, THE LEGACY, THE GIFT, THE GENIUS, THE MUSIC, THE PAIN, THE SORROW, THE JOY REJOICE FOR HE HAS LEFT US WITH A LIFETIME OF MUSIC TO NOURISH OUR SOULS FOR HIS CAN NOW REST. THANK YOU TO THE UNDISPUTED AND UNEQIVOCAL KING OF POP R.I.P. MICHAEL JOSEPH JACKSON
Side notes: deaths associated with the 25th
Michael Jackson - Aaliyah - Static Major - Left Eye - Eartha Kitt - James Brown and Tupac died at the age of 25 there are others I am certain, but for this, these gems to the world, are relevant. Upon recognizing this pattern as you will, I found that my curious nature was again stimulated in a divine sense. I wanted to know what the divine significance was for this pattern. Well ask and ye shall receive, a friend of mine answered the question by reminding me that (5+2=7) and that 7 is known as God’s own number and is divinely associated with completion and perfection. I of course scoured the internet for information regarding this as well as confirmed some of that info in the Bible that sits on my nightstand. Wow right, well at least as far as I am concerned, total confirmation yet again that his will be done and his will is the divinely right one. Again a mention to the fact that Michael was the 7th born child to joe and Katherine Jackson.
With all my heart,
Shunda Copyright © 2009 LyricalCutie
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